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i honestly feel like im never needed, wanted, loved, and cared about sometimes. i feel like im just there for nothing. sometimes i just feel like i dont belong here or im not needed in this world. hate to say that but thats how i feel. like how my brother, dad, boyfriend treat me sometimes, its hard not to think like that.
my brother he never ever listens to me at all, hes a little prick to me.
my dad he just thinks that im made of money, and is a selfish little bitch cause i wont buy him cigarettes. its not my problem to support your smoking habbit. like come on.
and mark, yeah he makes me feel loved sometimes, but other times i swear to god that the other things he only thinks about is smoking and drinking. ex. monday he worked till 630 and decided to go over his so called friend matts house around 8 and he knew i got out of work at 9. but he decided to go over there anyways cause matt also smokes. like hed rather be there then waiting at home for me when i got out of work…and i didnt see him at all that day. wouldnt you have liked to see the love of your life right when you got out of work? i know i would have. but midnight rolls around and he finally comes home. i bawl my eyes out cause i didnt see him at all that day and i wanted to spend some time with him which he understood….i think? then the next day came along. he worked, i worked till 8. got home and all he wanted to do it go to my sister house and hangout over there which i got mad about cause i wanted to spend time with him since that didnt happen monday. that was a repating thing as well cause it happend wed and thursday, then friday rolls around i went to his friends house when i got out of work. fyi they were making a music video so i wasnt really acknoleged when i was there, i was but wasnt. we finally got home. he was gonna go over to my sisters house but i basically threw a “hissy fit” …not really but i just basically put my foot down and told him i wanted to spend sometime together, cuddle and watch a movie…which we did. he fell asleep then my sister calls him tell him to come over…he jumps up out of bed and goes over there. i obviously went with him cause i didnt wanna be alone….like hed rather hangout with my sister and brother in law smoking then spend time with me. likes i swear thats all he thinks about is getting high. like thats so not cool, not one bit. &What a fucking terrible day. Boyfriend had a gig to do today at 330…said he was only going to be there for a few hours after they played. So I figured i would make dinner for the family cause i though everyone was going to be home….after numerous texts i sent him…he finally responds around 930-10ish mark finally calls me letting me know hes not coming home tonight. Like seriosuly you couldnt of told me this before? nope i guess not. this really pissed me the fuck off to the point where i wanted to do some terrible things….mark doesnt get that i like doing things as a family, we may not be family but hes close enough to be. hes my boyfriend for gods sake. my family never does anything family related so when i get the chance to do something like that i do it. Even if its not my own family, i still feel as if im part of that persons family since i never do anything like that with my own family. I want to feel as if i’m part of something. I cant wait to have a family of my own, im gonna do things that my family never does, then maybe ill finally feel like im apart of something. but as of right now im just gonna be the daughter/sister/girlfriend that feels like shes not apart of anything.
lets seriously hope tomorrow is a better day. but for today, this day can & the rest of this past week can kisss my ass!
Walt Disney biography(: love watching stuff about Disney things(: